Remembering the past

Memories can be funny things, I mean some memories we want to and readily do remember, others we are indifferent to not caring to remember them at all, and some, we would rather never be remembered again. A couple of weeks ago God brought a memory back to me that I had completely forgotten about, It played out before my eyes like it was a movie. I saw my 13 year old self at the starting line of the 100 meter dash, ready to race and ready to win like I had done so many times before. The gun went off and so did I, as the race progressed a sickening feeling came over me as I saw not one but two of my classmates pass me, I pushed harder but it was too late the race was done and third place was best I did. I was devastated. There’s where the Movie ends and old feelings came flooding back. You see I was or should say I am an athlete through and through, I like playing and participating in all kinds of sports and at school is where I shone the brightest. In those days the only place I didn’t feel like a reject at school was gym class and on sports teams. Before that day I had won pretty much every track and field event that I was strong in, the 100 meter dash just happened to be my favourite. Losing that race was so devastating to me, like someone pulling the rug out from underneath you. That’s who I was and who I was, was being changed from winner to loser and in my already fragile emotional state it was almost more than I could handle. The worst part of losing was that I was losing to two of the “popular” girls, who taunted me. These girls tortured me making my life a living hell at school. In the early days they used to pretend to be my friend they would set me up and do stuff like invite me to sit with them at lunch and then when I did they would make a big production out of it, they would act all disgusted with me and ask me why I was sitting with them and telling me to get away from them because I was “such a loser” ! They embarrassed me more times like that than I care to admit. I fell for their tricks over and over again because I just wanted to be liked by them. Big sigh, oh those were the days. I lost a piece of me that day. Learning now who I am and putting all the puzzle pieces together, my life is taking shape. I can see that loss in a different light and with a new perspective. The best part is that I’m not that desperate kid anymore, I am not longing to fit in and fearing rejection at every turn. Gods love and acceptance has transformed my life. I have learned that to be able to accept love I need to love myself and to be accepted I need to accept myself,and Gods acceptance and my acceptance of me are the only ones that matter and any others are just bonuses. It’s nice to be liked by people, but people are not the gage by which I see myself anymore, Gods word tells me who I am, I am loved by God, blessed, accepted, chosen, adopted, forgiven, redeemed, and free!

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