I will never forget you!

I didn’t think I was going to share this, not on here anyway, but it was on my heart to do so, so here it is. September 5th 1995, it was the first day of school and I was the teacher at a private school. I woke up spotting that morning, I’m not sure why but I didn’t panic I just thought it was normal, sort of . It was my first pregnancy and to be truthful I wasn’t feeling ready to be having a baby, my husband and I had conceived on our honeymoon. It took me a couple of weeks, but I had finally come to terms with being pregnant and I embraced it. As the morning wore on I began to bleed and I started to realize something was wrong, but I wouldn’t  allow myself to think I was having a miscarriage. My contractions started before lunch and it was everything I could do to keep it together. I spent that lunch hour alone in my classroom folded in half rocking back and forth trying so hard to get through the pain, it was the worst pain I had ever had in my entire life. I don’t even know how I did it, it could have only been by Gods grace that I was able to get up and go to the washroom. It doesn’t matter who you are or if you’re expecting it or not, you are not prepared for the moment it happens, you can’t even plan it. No matter how obvious it was that I was miscarrying I was in no way ready for the emotional pain that would wash over me when it was undeniable that I had lost our little one. Anguish, guilt, confusion, my heart tearing as I began to sob and shake uncontrollably. I couldn’t bring myself to flush the toilet, that was my baby in there, I went out of the washroom and grabbed one of the other teachers, I m so glad that she was able to be strong as I brought her into the washroom, she quickly did what I couldn’t she flushed the toilet and told me to go see my doctor. Even though it has been 20 years since that day I still feel the loss, but God has healed my pain. I know our little one is in heaven and is in good hands, till we meet again little one know that mommy loves you.


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