Monthly Archives: August 2015

Loving well

Loving well
I was sitting in my room thinking about my husband and what I wished he would improve on( hey, I’m just being honest) about how I want him to love me well. Inside of me God’s still small voice said “the way you get him to love you well is by first loving him well”! Wow, I’m so thankful for the way God corrects me. Sometimes we (I am so speaking to myself here) can get caught up in seeing what we don’t have, what we don’t get to do or what is missing in our eyes. When we focus on such things we will never be happy, because once we get what we “thought” we wanted we will be on to the next thing that we want and don’t have. It is when we take our eyes off of all those things and focus on Jesus and what God’s word says and begin to serve others that we can become content. It is more rewarding and the ” pay back” is so much sweeter. You can now receive what you need from a heart that is truly grateful rather than from one that feels it is entitled. I am not entitled to the things my husband can give, I am grateful for everything he does give out of his heart to me. I give myself and my husband over to God and trust His word, to complete the work He has started in the both of us. Help me Lord to love my husband well…

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Loss, not something I thought I’d be blogging about today!

Yesterday I woke up to the news that someone close to us had passed away. It wasn’t a sudden death like does happen, we knew he was sick and he was in the hospital as he had been many times before, but the expectation was that he was going to come home again just like he had every other time. He was only 21.  Today was his 22nd birthday. (We)family and close friends gathered together today to celebrate it, we wrote messages on helium filled balloons and sent them off toward heaven it was beautiful…Gotta take a little pause, I can’t see through my tears. Ok I can see now. B was diagnosed with a brain tumour 4 years ago, they did surgery and radiation to rid him of the cancerous tumour. He got along as well as he could after his surgery and soon things began to look up for him, so much so that he enrolled himself in college. One month after he started college his symptoms came back and it was soon discovered that the tumour had grown back with a vengeance. This time doctors weren’t playing around and they successfully removed most of the Tumour and did stronger radiation in hopes that that would keep the tumour at bay. He didn’t come out of all that unscathed but he had most of what he needed to live a “normal” life, and his head and neck pain which he frequently had on and off since before he was diagnosed were manageable with medication. B is the sweetest most kind hearted person you would ever meet,when we met his parents B was just 6 years old and we had the privilege of watching him grow up. He came across as a little bit shy but that wouldn’t stop him from helping people. He seemed more concerned for others than for himself. He was a sports guy and played hockey very well, he and my middle son C had a common love for skateboarding, all my boys looked up to him, he was the oldest of our (his parents and Don and myself) 6 children combined we have 3 they have 3. When they did the surgeries on him, both times they removed the tumour through his nasal cavity, which caused some problems with infection, healing in this area seemed slow and he would have to go to the hospital every so often to get his nasal cavity cleaned. This past New Years he came down with an infection, they gave him an antibiotic that made him very sick and nauseated however they didn’t realize it was the antibiotic until he was finished it, he suffered for a few weeks not knowing what the cause of these symptoms were. He got better, but that was short lived, in February he was rushed to the hospital where the family was told to say their good byes because they didn’t think he was going to make it. Being Christians they didn’t accept that diagnoses and opted to transfer him to a different hospital. He was diagnosed there with menengitis and fought for his life, many people praying for him and a miracle happened, 3 months later he was home! This time however the menengitis did some further damage and his head and neck pain wasn’t able to be managed well at this point and with all the medications he was on he lost his hearing. 2 weeks ago he was rushed back to the hospital this time with pneumonia, he made small improvements day by day, but that only lasted so long eventually his lungs developed more pockets of infection and they were unable to fully keep up with it, but his will to live was still there. It was this past week that took its biggest toll on him. I still had hope that we would hear he was improving, instead we got a phone call informing us of his passing.  In some moments it doesn’t seem real and others it is all too real. I do know this, that he gave his life to Jesus and in the words of The apostle Paul I can say, we do not grieve (for him) like those without hope… We believe B is in heaven right now where there is no suffering, sickness or sorrow. B we will miss you, but we know we will see you again. Rest in the eternal peace that is yours now and forever! 

Coming out of the water

I grew up for the first part of my life Roman Catholic, I was baptized as a baby, went to a Catholic Church and a catholic school and even had my first communion. It was around the time that I had my first communion that my dad began to question church. It wasn’t that church or God were bad it was just that he began to see… “Press pause” Ok, I think this is a good place to put in a disclaimer ( disclaimer: this is not a blog against the Catholic Church, Catholics or Catholicism this is just my story and ONE Catholic Church which does not represent all Catholic Churches, I love all my brothers and sisters in Christ). As I was saying, my dad began to notice a general disrespect in the church, like people were only going for appearances and that they really didn’t want to be there, this began to turn him right off, the last straw came when the stranger beside him fell asleep on his shoulder during mass! He walked out of church that day saying to God if this is all there is to church I don’t want to have anything to do with it! and after that day he stopped taking us to church. A few weeks later we had a knock at our door, (it was rare that anyone came to our small country town which consisted of all dirt roads) the knock at the door were people from a church in a near by town about 20 mins away and they were inviting us to church. My dad believed this was an answer to prayer and he jumped at the chance to go. He took us the very next Sunday and we heard the gospel for the first time, we were told about Jesus in a different way and that we could be ” born again” I watched as my dad sat closer and closer to the edge of his seat hanging off of every word the pastor spoke. At the end of the service they gave an alter call and my dad was so excited that he jumped over my mom and ran to the alter, I will never forget that moment it left an impression on me. I didn’t fully understand what my dad had done and what giving your life to Jesus was, but Sunday after Sunday my parents took us to church. My moment came when the pastor gave another alter call at the end of the service and everyone was going up, including my mom and dad so, I decided I would go up too. Being just 7 years old I didn’t know what to do up there, I just watched what the people around me were doing and I copied them. With my hands up in the air kind of closing my eyes,( I didn’t want to miss anything if something were to change) out of what seemed like no where an older lady came to me and asked me if I had accepted Jesus as my saviour, I hadn’t, so she asked if I wanted to and we said the sinners prayer together. That day changed my life, I didn’t know it in that very moment, but I know that I am where I am today because of that one moment. It was soon after that that I made the decision to be water baptized, to publicly confess that I would follow Jesus for the rest of my life. There were no fireworks or goosebumps nothing that made that moment “feel” special, but it was special and although I didn’t fully understand what I was doing back then, I understand it now. Today I had the privilege of watching two of my Sunday school students get water baptized, one being 11, the other 10. They shared in their own words why they wanted to be water baptized and it was beautiful. God reminded me through them of my own water baptism and it brought tears to my eyes, I watched how special it was for these two young ones today and realized how special my own experience was. Sometimes we loose sight of how important and special certain moments are in our lives or like me we are not fully aware of how significant a moment is but that doesn’t make it any less important. I loved how God reminded me today of my moment and even though the fireworks weren’t flying today either I got to see and realize just how special and important my own water baptism really was and the best part, is that God remembers it too.

One bad relationship after another…until him!

I am married to a wonderful man, he is strong, two kinds of strong, he is physically strong and survivor strong. I have told him so many times that he doesn’t even know his own strength! I would love to share with you all about my husband and why I consider him survivor strong, but sadly I cannot. My husband is also a very private person and I will respect his wishes and allow his life to remain private. That doesn’t stop me however, from sharing with you how wonderful he is to me. I mentioned in my last blog post that he was the first man to like me for me, the first man who ever respected me and the first man that held no expectations on me. I want to open this up to you and let you into my world a little bit. Before I met my husband I was in one bad relationship after another. In grade 9 I dated a drug addict, he may have liked me but, I didn’t really get the chance to know him very well, he would disappear for short periods of time and I had no way of knowing where he was. I was young and naive I didn’t know he was on drugs until his brother told me! The last time I ever saw him he noticed the gold watch On my wrist that I had gotten for my birthday, he asked to see it and gave me some lame story about how he needed it to get to his classes on time because he was already in trouble for the many days he had been away from his classes. I let him borrow it and I never saw him again. The next boyfriend I had thought that since we were in highschool that meant that we were mature enough to be having sex and when I would not have sex with him he got very mean and angry with me, needless to say he quickly dumped me. I had a few more guys like him after that, but they weren’t really around long enough to consider them relationships. The guy I dated next was abusive, he physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. Six months into the relationship he started hitting me not beating me just hitting me, he would slap me across the face if I said or did something he didn’t like. There were a couple of times that he lost control and went further than a slap to my face, thank God that he didn’t ever seriously hurt me.  He would lose it over such little things, one of the biggest fights we had was over the cost of a pizza! That day when he slapped me across the face I was brave enough to fight back. We were not alone, my sister and her boyfriend were there and I mistakenly thought they would stand up for me, sadly they did not, they turned a blind eye and quietly left the room till the (fist) fight was over. When all was said and done we sat and ate the pizza together with not a word about what had just happened. How sad is that! I dated this guy for 2 and a half years and when I finally decided to break up with him, I didn’t directly brake it off, I suggested that we just take a break from each other, this bought me time, 4 months to be exact. In the mean time I dated one more guy.  When I met him we became fast friends and got along really well. We dated only dated for a short time when he took me back to his place and assumed that we were going to have sex. Perhaps I should have seen that coming but I guess I just wanted this time (relationship) to be different. I didn’t sleep with him and although he was clearly disappointed I thought he handled it pretty well. I was wrong!  He didn’t  break up with me he just cheated on me. When he knew that I knew what he had done he avoided me for weeks, needless to say we broke up. With the few of years of bad relationships I became emotionally depleted, I was so tired and empty inside.  Before my string of bad relationships I had prayed to God about my future husband and asked Him if He would show him to me. I hadn’t realized it yet but God had us introduced already. It took more than 3 years for me to realize it. Don finally asked me out and I remember the days we talked on the phone before we had our first date, we would talk for hours. It was in one of those many conversations that I began to see who he was. He reassured me that I would not be asked or pressured into doing anything I didn’t want to do and he honoured his word. Right after Don and I had our first date my abusive ex boyfriend returned and was trying to get back into my life, I was scared because I didn’t know what to do. The easiest thing to do or so I thought would be to go back to my ex. While I contemplated this Don stood up to my abuser face to face and told him to leave me alone! He did that for me and expected nothing in return. I know that because of what he said to me before all that happened. He said to me one night on the phone that whether or not we become a couple, that he wanted me to not go back to that guy, because he knew he was bad news. That speaks volumes of the kind of man he is, I get teary eyed just thinking about it. When I had gained some weight early on in our marriage I felt that he should have told me so, but instead of telling me I was getting fat he told me that he didn’t need me to lose weight to love me, that he loved me just the way I was and if I thought I needed to lose weight then I should do it for myself, this was something I desperately needed to hear! And I did lose the weight, with his love and support. My husband isn’t perfect and we haven’t  had a perfect, no trouble relationship, but God brought the two of us together and He has been with us every step of the way helping us. When we have a bad day(s) in our relationship it has helped me greatly to remember the things that I have just shared with you and that my husband loves me, that he is a good man with a big heart and we will get through everything  with Gods help. My husband is a wonderful man, and I am so blessed that he chose me to be his wife!

How I met my husband

How we metI met my husband at Hy& Zel’s a Supermarket drugstore. Where we were both employed. I was just starting high school and he was in college I was only a few months away from being 15 and he was a couple weeks away from turning 20. We met when a mutual friend and co worked decided that we HAD to meet and she literally dragged me by the arm to meet him. When I first saw him I remember thinking how nice his eyes were, I liked that he was tall and as we all started talking I fell in love with his sense of humour, he seemed like a really nice guy. We quickly became “work friends”. When our schedules over lapped I would find him in his aisle and talk with him. The more I talked with him the more I liked him and I started to have feelings for him, this was not a good thing for me because I already had a boyfriend. So, as far as I was concerned Don and my relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere I mean we were just friends, so I decided that I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore, and we didn’t talk to each other for a long time but, eventually and inevitably we began talking again. I had mistakenly thought that the time we spent not talking would have lessened the feelings I had for him, but that was not the case. I just had to push aside my feelings for him because I was not interested in breaking up with my boyfriend at the time,(however in hindsight I should have left him the first time he hit me,for some reason I thought I was in love with him but that is a whole other story) I also didn’t think Don’s feelings for me were anything other than platonic anyway. More than a year went by and on a day that Don and I were working together he came into the lunch room while I was on break and struck up a conversation, he came in sat down and told me that he would never date a girl as young as me! I remember arguing with him and giving him all the reasons why age shouldn’t matter, to be honest the whole conversation bothered me so much, it just brought to the surface the feelings I had for him. It was clear we were not going to agree, so I stood up in a huff telling him that I didn’t care because I had a boyfriend anyway and I walked out. 3 months after Don and I had that conversation it happened, my boyfriend and I broke up (it wasn’t a clean break up, he gave me a lot of trouble, but again that’s another story). In the meantime my feelings for Don grew even stronger and a friend of mine was encouraging me to tell him, but I honestly thought that He wasn’t interested so I kept my feelings to myself. More time passed and Don once again came into the lunch room but this time it was before I started my shift, he sat down and proceeded to have the same conversation he had, had with me six months earlier, he said he would never date a girl as young as me. Again I argued my point and he argued right back, until he stood up and said “well you have a boyfriend anyway” he turned to walk out when I informed him that my boyfriend and I broke up. He sat back down and asked me what had happened, I gave him a brief synopsis, then left to start my shift. His shift ended as my shift began. I was a cashier and before he left for the day he came through my line up and bought gum, he hung around for a while talking to people and it seemed every time I looked up he was still there, eventually it got so busy I didn’t even notice when he had left. Half way through my shift Don called the store to talked to me and to my surprise he asked me out on a date! I honestly didn’t see it coming, but now when I look back on it, it couldn’t have been more obvious! I didn’t even hesitate and I said yes to him right away. Two weeks later We had an amazing first date. He was a true gentleman and still is to this day. I had, had so many bad relationships, he was the first man to ever like me for me, he respected me, and held no expectations on me. My husband was a God send and came in to my life just at the right time, it changed the whole direction of my life and I thank God for that!